You are viewing wereturkey

Fri, Nov. 21st, 2014, 01:28 am
el_wereturkey: Blue Sunshine

Insane with baldness!!!

Tue, Sep. 30th, 2014, 12:22 am
el_wereturkey: Been so Long

Got in another Bad Movie Battle a few weeks back. Let's See what I remember.

They Bite - A slightly above average horror/comedy about a marine biologist, some porno producers and some fish monsters from outer space. While it had some groanworthy bits we both enjoyed it's occasionally witty lines, fun characters and decent monster suits. I think I did a long review of this back when I was doing long reviews.

America 3000 - I had seen the ending of this on TV and, upon seeing it in Boomer's collection, wanted to see the full thing. This is a stupid movie but it's stupid in a way that you might never see anywhere else. You usually don't see post-apocalyptic movies that go for tongue-in-cheek camp. We got a lot of mileage out of attempting to decipher the movie's excessive future dialect. Imagine the slang in A Clockwork Orange, but without the sinister, suaveness of Malcolm McDowell and a dozen times denser.

Witchery - This is an 80's supernatural horror film starring David Hasselhoff. That's really all you need to know. This movie is unevenly paced and formulaic in almost every respect. It has Linda Blair in it to, but that only reminds you that you could be watching a much better supernatural horror movie.

Starcrash - Hasselhoff levels became critical when we followed Witchery with this Star Wars cash in sci-fi. It's a fun bad movie, drawing far more from Barbarella and Ray Harryhausen films than Star Wars really. Often felt more like a disconnected series of vignette's than a coherent start to finish story.

Mon, Jun. 30th, 2014, 10:19 pm
el_wereturkey: Vrooom vrooom vrrooooom vrooooom vrroooooooom!

Vroooom vroooom vrooooooooooom vroooooooom!

Vroooom vroooom!


Wed, Apr. 23rd, 2014, 12:38 am
el_wereturkey: Sartana!

Some westerns have short, snappy names like Unforgiven, High Noon, True Grit, tombstone or Silverado.

Not the Sartana series of westerns. This series of spaghetti westerns are a mouthful... and I sorta wanna see them.

Thu, Feb. 27th, 2014, 03:30 am
el_wereturkey: I've known animal people, and you sir are no animal people.

Invasion of the Animal People surpasses reason... challenges your own sanity...

That's not exactly a selling point. In fact that's the middle sentence of a scathing, sarcastic criticism.

Wed, Dec. 18th, 2013, 08:37 am
el_wereturkey: Love is the Only Thing Worth Nuking For.

Caught the ending of his on TV a few weeks back. Really want to see the whole thing now.

Mon, Dec. 9th, 2013, 09:13 pm
freakylynx: Liquid Sky

This movie looks so odd I'm drawn to it... I must watch this at some point.

Tue, Oct. 22nd, 2013, 06:07 pm
el_wereturkey: ...and Your Children's Children...

I was considering some movies and got to thinking: what series of movies best exemplifies the concept of a wholly rotten franchise.

There's some franchises that started well and went generally downhill. Halloween for example, is a franchise with a tip-top first movie and seven sequels (not counting the reboot) of wavering quality, the third being a sort of wildcard.

Some have intermittent high points. Nightmare on Elm Street had a decent first flick and some great trippy high points, part 3 The Dream Warriors being the most fun in my opinion.

But let's go off the beaten path a little. The Howling had seven sequels, some of notoriously low quality and it's a werewolf movie, a definite bonus for this board but for a real look at the horror franchise barrel we go back to the video stores of my youth. Witchcraft had TWELVE sequels. From the start it was a direct to video franchise. The highest IMDB rating of any of them was a 3.4 out of 10 and worst of all I haven't seen a single one of them!!! What is wrong with me?

Might be the best/worst example of a rotten franchise... but there are things that frighten me even more.

I really do want to see Witchcraft 1 through 13. I suspect they'll be good for a laugh and as I write this I'm contemplating what sort of price I would pay for a boxed set if one existed. The franchise that I think would really mess with my biz is a little under the radar because it's NOT a horror franchise, it is, on the other hand, furry.

I speak of Air Bud. I've seen the first one and it was pretty stupid. It felt like a generic believe-in-your-achieve sports drama that got into the hands of a producer who saw a video clip of a dog that hits basketballs into the hoop with its face, causing the world's most pathetic eureka moment. They had the story of a misfit kid with a dead father and a retired pro basketball player mentor, then they coated that with a dog that hits basketballs into a hoop, deep fried it and sold it at the Stupidville County Fair.

But it didn't stop there. That dog went on to play football, soccer, baseball and beach volleyball.

Just when they were about to give up because the damn dog couldn't ride a bicycle or swing a golf club with its mouth someone remembered that while playing soccer Bud the dog got a girlfriend named Molly and had some puppies. They're the Air Buddies and guess what? They fucking talk! They ironically get into dog sled racing. It's part 7 and the series has finally put dogs in a sport made for dogs.

Not done yet. The Air Buddies go to outer space because if The Leprechaun, Jason Vorhees, Pinhead and Critters can do it there's no way the Air Bud franchise is going to miss a chance to be insipid in low gravity.

Then they meet Santa Claus, which spawns a spinoff series, Santa Paws with a sequel of its own where Santa Paws has a litter of his own pups. This franchise, it's like a hydra!!!

Then they go to Egypt for some Indiana Jones style pulp adventure and gain super powers.

Somewhere in the course of fourteen movies they have a Halloween adventure.

Fourteen movies. That beats witchcraft by one and there's NO SIGN of this thing slowing down. This might be the worst movie series ever. I think an Air Bud movie marathon could literally kill me, and shall.

10 most recent