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Mon, Jun. 30th, 2014, 10:19 pm
el_wereturkey: Vrooom vrooom vrrooooom vrooooom vrroooooooom!

Vroooom vroooom vrooooooooooom vroooooooom!

Vroooom vroooom!


Wed, Apr. 23rd, 2014, 12:38 am
el_wereturkey: Sartana!

Some westerns have short, snappy names like Unforgiven, High Noon, True Grit, tombstone or Silverado.

Not the Sartana series of westerns. This series of spaghetti westerns are a mouthful... and I sorta wanna see them.

Thu, Feb. 27th, 2014, 03:30 am
el_wereturkey: I've known animal people, and you sir are no animal people.

Invasion of the Animal People surpasses reason... challenges your own sanity...

That's not exactly a selling point. In fact that's the middle sentence of a scathing, sarcastic criticism.

Wed, Dec. 18th, 2013, 08:37 am
el_wereturkey: Love is the Only Thing Worth Nuking For.

Caught the ending of his on TV a few weeks back. Really want to see the whole thing now.

Mon, Dec. 9th, 2013, 09:13 pm
freakylynx: Liquid Sky

This movie looks so odd I'm drawn to it... I must watch this at some point.

Tue, Oct. 22nd, 2013, 06:07 pm
el_wereturkey: ...and Your Children's Children...

I was considering some movies and got to thinking: what series of movies best exemplifies the concept of a wholly rotten franchise.

There's some franchises that started well and went generally downhill. Halloween for example, is a franchise with a tip-top first movie and seven sequels (not counting the reboot) of wavering quality, the third being a sort of wildcard.

Some have intermittent high points. Nightmare on Elm Street had a decent first flick and some great trippy high points, part 3 The Dream Warriors being the most fun in my opinion.

But let's go off the beaten path a little. The Howling had seven sequels, some of notoriously low quality and it's a werewolf movie, a definite bonus for this board but for a real look at the horror franchise barrel we go back to the video stores of my youth. Witchcraft had TWELVE sequels. From the start it was a direct to video franchise. The highest IMDB rating of any of them was a 3.4 out of 10 and worst of all I haven't seen a single one of them!!! What is wrong with me?

Might be the best/worst example of a rotten franchise... but there are things that frighten me even more.

I really do want to see Witchcraft 1 through 13. I suspect they'll be good for a laugh and as I write this I'm contemplating what sort of price I would pay for a boxed set if one existed. The franchise that I think would really mess with my biz is a little under the radar because it's NOT a horror franchise, it is, on the other hand, furry.

I speak of Air Bud. I've seen the first one and it was pretty stupid. It felt like a generic believe-in-your-achieve sports drama that got into the hands of a producer who saw a video clip of a dog that hits basketballs into the hoop with its face, causing the world's most pathetic eureka moment. They had the story of a misfit kid with a dead father and a retired pro basketball player mentor, then they coated that with a dog that hits basketballs into a hoop, deep fried it and sold it at the Stupidville County Fair.

But it didn't stop there. That dog went on to play football, soccer, baseball and beach volleyball.

Just when they were about to give up because the damn dog couldn't ride a bicycle or swing a golf club with its mouth someone remembered that while playing soccer Bud the dog got a girlfriend named Molly and had some puppies. They're the Air Buddies and guess what? They fucking talk! They ironically get into dog sled racing. It's part 7 and the series has finally put dogs in a sport made for dogs.

Not done yet. The Air Buddies go to outer space because if The Leprechaun, Jason Vorhees, Pinhead and Critters can do it there's no way the Air Bud franchise is going to miss a chance to be insipid in low gravity.

Then they meet Santa Claus, which spawns a spinoff series, Santa Paws with a sequel of its own where Santa Paws has a litter of his own pups. This franchise, it's like a hydra!!!

Then they go to Egypt for some Indiana Jones style pulp adventure and gain super powers.

Somewhere in the course of fourteen movies they have a Halloween adventure.

Fourteen movies. That beats witchcraft by one and there's NO SIGN of this thing slowing down. This might be the worst movie series ever. I think an Air Bud movie marathon could literally kill me, and shall.

Thu, Sep. 5th, 2013, 08:40 pm
freakylynx: Squirrel!

I think I might try this one, and hey it comes out the same year as the rebooted Alvin and the Chipmunks cartoon, right?

Wed, Aug. 28th, 2013, 05:08 am
el_wereturkey: Remember Marsupilami?

A few weeks ago I received a stack of tapes from a friend of mine and, as I am compelled to do, I was going to watch every one of them. They were all cartoons, some were ok... and there was also Disney's Marsupilami.

I never got into it when it was on the air and upon further inspection I know why. It was weak, retreading cartoon slapstick that was done decades earlier and degrees better by Warner Brothers. The dialogue was sloppily written and the scenarios seemed flat and forced. I was no fan of Marsupilami's voice actor either. Yeah, Animaniacs was doing a similar sort of slapstick revival at about the same time but where Animaniacs mixed things up Marsupliami fucked things up.

But the tapes (now on their way to the Goodwill) did inspire a brief spark of my pop-culture trivia thirst. Apparently Marsupilami has been around for more than a minute, premiering in a Franco-Belgian comic book anthology from 1952. There was a French cartoon series and instead of being a cut-rate Yakko Warner the Marsupilami communicated in chitters and his trademark "Houba!". I've only seen 5 minutes of a French episode and I already prefer it over the Disney version because I don't understand what anyone is saying and Marsupilami keeps his idiot mouth shut.

Anyhow, Marsupilami tanked in the USA but it's been around for a long time in Europe. As we have horribly, painfully learned in America, any cartoon that was popular before 1990 is going to get a god damned, CGI heavy "re-imagining". From the same general sort of cultural trend that brought you movie versions of Alvin and The Chipminks, Transformers and The Smurfs...

Well... I guess that might turn out ok. Let's see if we can find something completely ludicrous and inexplicable.

Well played 1970's, well played.

Fri, Aug. 2nd, 2013, 08:18 am
freakylynx: Ghost Shark

You might ask yourself what can possibly be scarier than a sharknado? All I can say is, this looks promising...

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